Naftali Fraenkel, 16, Gil-ad Shaar, 16, and Eyal Yifrach, 19, were kidnapped on the night of June 12 at a hitchhiking post outside the settlement of Alon Shvut in the Etzion Bloc south of Jerusalem.
I have been feeling empty all day and not sure how to even express it. Why? with so many prayers were they not saved and brought back? I can’t allow myself to ask these questions now because I fear I will fall into a very dark place. I have so much pain inside that I don’t know what to do, so I bake. It is the one thing that brings me so much joy and right now I need joy. I need to know that all is right in our services to Hashem and that He alone knows what is best even when I don’t. I need to believe that somehow this was all the for the good. I’ve known evil all my life. I’ve felt the hate of others just because I was not born of a certain race. I’ve felt unloved and unwanted just because…..
What is it that we are doing wrong that our prayers were not answered? Its not just the evil done to these boys but of all the evil I see and feel each day in the world. The only answer I can see is we are not doing something right. My mind keeps going back to verses like Isaiah 1:15-18 “When you spread your hands [in prayer], I will not listen; your hands are replete with blood. Wash yourselves, purify yourselves, remove the evil of your deeds from before My eyes; cease doing evil. Learn to do good, seek justice, vindicate the victim, render justice to the orphan, take up the grievance of the widow. Come, now, let us reason together, says HASHEM”. And verses 19& 20 “If you are willing to obey, you will eat the goodness of the land. But if you refuse and rebel, you will ve devoured by the sword–for the mouth of HASHEM has spoken.”