Neg late Not acceptable

Wow, when was the last time I posted something here?  Its not like my life stopped, on the contrary, it got very busy and exciting.  Now the question is, how do I bring you up to date on all that has been going on?

I think the best way is the start off slowly and allow it all to come back to me as I try to write it all out for you.  I think I will go month by month.  We have only been living here in Germany for 10 months now.  First I would like to bring you up to date on our move and the new home we got, well, that is if I have not already told you about all that.

So, let me do a little bit of looking around on here, things have changed since I last logged in, and see where I left off so I can pick up from that point and move on up to now……

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Arriving!  

Our flight was long and most uncomfortable☹️. The excitement of flying to another country quickly disappeared as we went from flight to flight. 😰😰The long layovers did not help at all.😤 We boarded our final flight around midnight. There were paperwork issues that the pilot told us about which caused multiple delays. 2 a.m. Ready for take off. Yay!  🤗Announcements. Now lights out!  


I slowly drift off to sleep….Oh, boy.  Now what? Baby screaming. Nooooooooo! I’m exhausted.😢😢😢 Lights come back on and the attendant asks if we want a drink. No, I want to sleep. 😴😴😴😴. I pull out a book and try to read, but my eyes are too tired. I give up on that. This baby will not stop crying, and the mother seems to be indifferent to its screams. 😭 We are now 4 hours into our flight, and that baby has not stopped crying. The sound is ear-piercing. Now my headache kicks in. Ugh. Hour after hour the baby cries non-stop. Don’t they realize I have not been to sleep for over 24 hours now?  Phew. The crying finally stopped, and I laid back once more in this tiny seat. Turn left, right, and back to the left to find a position that will work.  Ahhhh. I find one, and off to sleep I go……..Nope. The crying  is back, and even louder than before. I give up on sleep. 

We arrive in Ramstein at 1400 local time. Now time to get off this plane of more than 100 people. This is going to take a while. We get our carry-ons and wait. My head is spinning. I soon realize that I’m no longer in the US. I start to feel very homesick. As the tears form in my eyes, we began to move off the plane. I hold back all my emotions and walk off the plane with more bags than I can carry. They pull us out of the very long line to check my husband in.  Yay, I think to myself. We won’t have to wait in that long line. Paperwork begins and the unthinkable happens. We are told to go back to the line, only now we are last because we got out of the line as instructed. 😡

Now to find our sponsor, get to the hotel and sleep. Not just yet.  We have to go through customs. Not too bad, since we did not have to wait very long.  I’m tired and now very hungry 😋.  What now? Our bags will not fit in the sponsor’s car😡. Another soldier comes over and helps. There. All done. Now off to the hotel. We get our room 🔑 and unload the car. Now the sponsor drives us to the commissary to get some food. You know the drill. Shopping while you are hungry is never good 😊. I buy junk, junk, and more junk. After all, I can’t get non-kosher food, so our selection is very limited. I’m too tired to look for kosher food or even go back to the room to cook. We find a bag of chips and soda. How awful is that?  

The sadness is back. My husband scarfs down the food, showers, and trots off to bed. He is sleeping like a 👶. The room is cold, and there is no heat. We arrived just as the Fall season began. This adds to my unhappiness, and all I want is to speak to family. The room offers free WiFi, so I log on and Glide my family and friends. I was hoping it would help, but it made me feel even worse. I finally fall off to 😴. Day one is done.  Check. ✅ 

My first Tishah B’Av as a Jew

 Tehilim 137:5-6 has been in my heart over a month now. –If I forget you O, Yerushalayim……If I do not set Yerushalayim above my highest joy…….
Spending this Tishah B’Av in a hotel has really put things, for me in a different perspective. I watched the news last week and saw how much hate is in the world and how we, as Jews, have allowed our differences; which should have brought us closer, to separate us. We can not depend on the world to accept us, love us, or want us. We must do these things for ourselves.  
I don’t think there is a Jew alive today that does not want to stand before the Beit HaMikdash. We must see and understand different as to what we should or should not do in prayer, eating, or dressing but we all agree on returning home and Hashem is Echad 
My heart is heavy and my mind is filled with sadness but it more about us as a people and the division that we have allowed the world/diaspora to create. I pray that we, today can just think on Tehillim 137. As we perform the service of Tikkun Chatzot, we recite Eichah and Kinnot after reciting the Kinnot following Eichah we recite the passage of Ve’atah Kaddish, ‘and You are the Holy One” and the full Kaddish without Tiskabeil until minhah, we will also have in our hearts to end the division that separates us all.  
Before the onset of Tishah B’Av, we enter the synagogue and remove our shoes. We pray Maariv slowly and tearfully, as mourners would pray.  
My mind was filled with many thoughts and feelings.  
For everyone who is fasting today, I wonder if we, as a people, would accept Moshiach today? Each group has its own idea of who this is and what will happen. Who’s group would he side with, if you please. Any group that is not upheld as “right” would reject him as the Moshiach. Sadly, if it is the group of the majority that is rejected……….
I’ve felt deep sadness over the loss of the Beis HaMikadash my whole life. It has never been a day thing for me in which I turn on my sadness as soon as sun set and then turn it off at sunset. It has never left me. I am in no way judging those who mourn and cry today. I just could not feel that way when the sun set last night. I tried, I really did but it was not real. It was forced and I could not, in good faith, continue. As I said, I’ve felt it all my life. 
So today, like any day, I morn the lost of our Temple and look forward to the day it will be rebuild.  
May we all have an easy fast. (For those fasting)
I pray I have not offended anyone. These are just my thoughts.

One should have Peace with every situation……

HASHEM is my shepherd, I shall not lack. In lush meadows He lays me down, beside the tranquil waters He leads me. Psalms 23:1-2
This psalms of David’s has kindled a spark of hop in countless human hearts throughout the ages. David teaches us how to accept the “unacceptable” situations. There are times when we must struggle mightily against adversity and carry on the battle even agains superior forces. But……there is also time for surrender, a time to realize that the fight is futile and that we must accept our lot in life, however disappointing it may be.  
Over the years there have been many people come and go in my life. After all, that is life, right? I’ve had to stay good bye to so many people that I love and care for. I’ve been thinking a lot about my mom lately and I just needed to share with you all what is in my heart. My mother was a kind gentle woman, that is, until you did something to one of her kids. Well, I’m not sure I was loved as my brothers and sister was. You see, when my mom died she told my grandmother to take care of her kids, she named each of them one by one. I was not one of them. I asked my grandmother why didn’t my mother name me? Her answer to me was she just forgot…..how does a mother “just forget” one of her own kids.  
I’ve been looking, all my life for someone to replace to “love” that mother gives to her children. When is it ok to “accept” that which you can not change? And more to the point, how do you accept it?