This week I’ve had lots of emotions. Some good, some of great joy, and some of anxiety. My Mikvah date is almost here. I’ve waited 3 years for this day. You would think that tonight as I write this I would be overly happy. Instead, I am filled with a feeling of unworthiness. How can some one like be be a part of the “chosen”? I am so thankful that HaShem has looked upon me, and said, YES. *eyes filling with tears*
There are all kinds of people in the world. Those who love HaShem, those who don’t know Him, and those that just don’t care one way or the other. I’ve seen many kinds of Jews and wondered how could it be possible that we are all one, yet different? There are many Sages I can turn to for understanding in this matter but the one that resonates with me the most is RamBam. I once read “it is natural for a man’s character and actions to be influenced by his friends and associates and for him to follow the local norms of behavior. Therefore, he should associate with the righteous and be constantly in the complain of the wise, so as to learn from their deeds. Conversely, he should keep away from the wicked who walk in darkness, so as not to learn from their deeds”. Mishneh Torah Chp 6
In my youth, I did not heed such advice and found myself in my situation that were preventable. It’s strange sometimes to think how it takes us, humans, to understand such simple lessons only after we fall. I am happy to say that on Sunday I will be born and all that will be no more. I will have a new name and a new outlook on what is right, good, and true. There are many things one can say about conversion, but no one can ever tell me that I’ve made the wrong choice. Life as an Orthodox Jew is not going to be easy, but when has anything rewarding ever been easy.
Yes, tonight, I am super happy and thankful. I will remember this entire week my whole life.