Mikvah……4 days and a wake-up

This week I’ve had lots of emotions.  Some good, some of great joy, and some of anxiety.  My Mikvah date is almost here.  I’ve waited 3 years for this day.  You would think that tonight as I write this I would be overly happy.  Instead, I am filled with a feeling of unworthiness.  How can some one like be be a part of the “chosen”?  I am so thankful that HaShem has looked upon me, and said, YES.  *eyes filling with tears*

There are all kinds of people in the world.  Those who love HaShem, those who don’t know Him, and those that just don’t care one way or the other.  I’ve seen many kinds of Jews and wondered how could it be possible that we are all one, yet different?  There are many Sages I can turn to for understanding in this matter but the one that resonates with me the most is RamBam.  I once read “it is natural for a man’s character and actions to be influenced by his friends and associates and for him to follow the local norms of behavior.  Therefore, he should associate with the righteous and be constantly in the complain of the wise, so as to learn from their deeds.  Conversely, he should keep away from the wicked who walk in darkness, so as not to learn from their deeds”.  Mishneh Torah Chp 6

In my youth, I did not heed such advice and found myself in my situation that were preventable.  It’s strange sometimes to think how it takes us, humans, to understand such simple lessons only after we fall.  I am happy to say that on Sunday I will be born and all that will be no more.  I will have a new name and a new outlook on what is right, good, and true.  There are many things one can say about conversion, but no one can ever tell me that I’ve made the wrong choice.  Life as an Orthodox Jew is not going to be easy, but when has anything rewarding ever been easy.  

Yes, tonight, I am super happy and thankful.  I will remember this entire week my whole life.  

Explanations needed here……

Studying is a big part of my life.  I love and enjoy reading the entire Tanach (Bible).  There is no greater joy for me in life.  Over Shabbat I read Yechezel (Ezekiel) 43.  In this chapter, Yexhezel is sharing his conversation and vision that was give him.  

Although my questions will be out of order according to the way it is written I hope you are able to follow.  Most of my question is in regards to the commentary that follows this chapter.  The commentary is very important to me.  It helps me gain a deeper understand of what the passage is really talking about and the lesson it is teaching.  

According to verse 10 when Yechezkel is told to tell Israel about the Temple, he is told that the the people must be ashamed of this sins….and if they are ashamed of all that they have done, then make known to them the form of the Temple and its design….

The commentary explains verses 10 and 11 in the following way: 

  1. There seems to be a line or verse added to the end of verse 11 in the commentary.  It says at the end of the part that speaks about the people being ashamed-at the revivification of the dead. Accordingly, this passage is a guarantee that the revivification of the dead will take place.  
  • I can not find no such verse in the passage.  Neither in the English or the Hebrew. Radak explanation does not follow the passage.  But Metzudos seems to have a better explanation of it.  

How is one to truly understand when there are so many varying opinions on the same topic?