HASHEM is my shepherd, I shall not lack. In lush meadows He lays me down, beside the tranquil waters He leads me. Psalms 23:1-2
This psalms of David’s has kindled a spark of hop in countless human hearts throughout the ages. David teaches us how to accept the “unacceptable” situations. There are times when we must struggle mightily against adversity and carry on the battle even agains superior forces. But……there is also time for surrender, a time to realize that the fight is futile and that we must accept our lot in life, however disappointing it may be.
Over the years there have been many people come and go in my life. After all, that is life, right? I’ve had to stay good bye to so many people that I love and care for. I’ve been thinking a lot about my mom lately and I just needed to share with you all what is in my heart. My mother was a kind gentle woman, that is, until you did something to one of her kids. Well, I’m not sure I was loved as my brothers and sister was. You see, when my mom died she told my grandmother to take care of her kids, she named each of them one by one. I was not one of them. I asked my grandmother why didn’t my mother name me? Her answer to me was she just forgot…..how does a mother “just forget” one of her own kids.
I’ve been looking, all my life for someone to replace to “love” that mother gives to her children. When is it ok to “accept” that which you can not change? And more to the point, how do you accept it?
I am always looking for things to study and help me grow as a Jew. It has been over two months since my conversion. I’ve felt somewhat lost and empty. You see, before, all my time was spent in learning and knowing how to live my new life. Now that I have completed the lessons, I did not know what to do with all the free time I have on my hands. Someone once said to me, “you will never stop learning”. Yes, I know this but what to study??????
Before, I had a set group of lessons each day now I can study as I please and I often don’t know what to study. My husband ask me, what are you passionate about? I said, living with chased (kindness). I strive never to commit a chillul like HaShem. I find it hard to keep my morning prayers full of kavannah. I’ve found that lessons like this help me with my focus and study. I hope you will enjoy it.
Cloths enough for 2 weeks (pack for the season of travel)
Coats, jackets, hat and gloves
Specialized gear/field gear
Folding camp chairs
Small area rug (foldable)
Queen sheet set
Towel set for each person
Shower curtain, curtain rings
Dish towels, sponge
Plates, bowls, cups, coffee mugs, silverware for each person
Chef’s knife, paring knife, spatula, serving spoon
Can opener, wine/bottle opener
Mixing bowl, colander
Skillet, sauce pan
Casserole dish, cookie sheet
Poster with color code for each room
I’ve been told that many electronics can be found in the thrift store in Germany so there may be no need to take a lot unless you are like me and want your stuff. Haha.
Also, you will be in. Hotel for a few weeks so if you are like me you will want to pack bedsheets in your suitcase. Once you get in your new home you will want something like a tv so I suggest you you take your DVD player and buy a small tv if you don’t have one to send with your UCG.
I made a video of my PCS binder for Germany. I’m so excited about our move. I hope this will help someone who is also moving overseas. Check out my video here on our new channel. We will be vloging as well as posting blogs about our new adventure in the Army.
This week I’ve had lots of emotions. Some good, some of great joy, and some of anxiety. My Mikvah date is almost here. I’ve waited 3 years for this day. You would think that tonight as I write this I would be overly happy. Instead, I am filled with a feeling of unworthiness. How can some one like be be a part of the “chosen”? I am so thankful that HaShem has looked upon me, and said, YES. *eyes filling with tears*
There are all kinds of people in the world. Those who love HaShem, those who don’t know Him, and those that just don’t care one way or the other. I’ve seen many kinds of Jews and wondered how could it be possible that we are all one, yet different? There are many Sages I can turn to for understanding in this matter but the one that resonates with me the most is RamBam. I once read “it is natural for a man’s character and actions to be influenced by his friends and associates and for him to follow the local norms of behavior. Therefore, he should associate with the righteous and be constantly in the complain of the wise, so as to learn from their deeds. Conversely, he should keep away from the wicked who walk in darkness, so as not to learn from their deeds”. Mishneh Torah Chp 6
In my youth, I did not heed such advice and found myself in my situation that were preventable. It’s strange sometimes to think how it takes us, humans, to understand such simple lessons only after we fall. I am happy to say that on Sunday I will be born and all that will be no more. I will have a new name and a new outlook on what is right, good, and true. There are many things one can say about conversion, but no one can ever tell me that I’ve made the wrong choice. Life as an Orthodox Jew is not going to be easy, but when has anything rewarding ever been easy.
Yes, tonight, I am super happy and thankful. I will remember this entire week my whole life.
Studying is a big part of my life. I love and enjoy reading the entire Tanach (Bible). There is no greater joy for me in life. Over Shabbat I read Yechezel (Ezekiel) 43. In this chapter, Yexhezel is sharing his conversation and vision that was give him.
Although my questions will be out of order according to the way it is written I hope you are able to follow. Most of my question is in regards to the commentary that follows this chapter. The commentary is very important to me. It helps me gain a deeper understand of what the passage is really talking about and the lesson it is teaching.
According to verse 10 when Yechezkel is told to tell Israel about the Temple, he is told that the the people must be ashamed of this sins….and if they are ashamed of all that they have done, then make known to them the form of the Temple and its design….
The commentary explains verses 10 and 11 in the following way:
- There seems to be a line or verse added to the end of verse 11 in the commentary. It says at the end of the part that speaks about the people being ashamed-at the revivification of the dead. Accordingly, this passage is a guarantee that the revivification of the dead will take place.
- I can not find no such verse in the passage. Neither in the English or the Hebrew. Radak explanation does not follow the passage. But Metzudos seems to have a better explanation of it.
How is one to truly understand when there are so many varying opinions on the same topic?
As I set here I am taken back to the day when I first dreamed of spending Passover as a Jew. I would always say, maybe next year….well, next year has come for me. I will spend my very first Passover as a Jew this year. I am filled with all types of emotions and fears.
I don’t think there is a greater feeling than knowing you have come home. Not like any home I’ve ever known before. I will be a part of a people, a nation of Hashem. Erev Pesach will mean something different to me. When I sit at the Seder and recount the Exodus story, it will not be as a spectator but as a participant. My 4 cups of wine, my matzah, maror, and all the songs will be done as a Jew. Hallel HaGadol will fill my soul. The beautiful Nishmas prayer which follows the Song at the Sea in the morning prayers on Sabbath will mean more to me than ever before. This year I will recount the details of the Exodus knowing I was there……
You may not understand the joy I’m filled with now but someday, someday you may. Someday you will come understand that I’ve come HOME!